I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
