I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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