that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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