I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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