How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
