I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
