U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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