Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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