3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dear god my vagina.
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