Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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