It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dignity is for republicans.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
