Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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