i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
