Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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