P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize