The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
