my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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