My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think your dad took our porno
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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