Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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