Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
