Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
