you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
