please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
