Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
