I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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