M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
