Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
