my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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