I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
