i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
