you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
