thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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