god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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