The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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