this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
