I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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