I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
