Having a random hookup so left but love u
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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