Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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