So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
