My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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