I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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