You just made me feel so damn special
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
