I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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