I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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