Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
