I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize