okay pat passed out under dana's car
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sex in a hospital.. check
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
