i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My vagina is very pro this idea
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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