New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
