I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
