its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have post one night stand depression
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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