I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
