if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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