there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
