I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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