yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize