My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
