I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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