If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
