after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
