you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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