dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need moral support for this bender
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
