He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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