I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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