I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
