I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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