ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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