my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
