Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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