adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
