Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
