I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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