I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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