Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize