the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
