Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
