My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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