Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize