Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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