I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize