When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
