problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
