I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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