its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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