On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
