he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
