You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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