i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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