So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
